Interruption to services

Some may have noticed that I have been very quiet in the blogosphere over Christmas - This was due to a traumatic situation at home which has now thankfully passed. My wife was admitted to hospital with clots on both lungs and spent 4 days in intensive care. All is well now and while treatment will be ongoing she is to be released home tomorrow. :)

Pic above shows me visiting Nicola - What do you think of the look?

And now for something completly different........

This is why we in Ireland are able to sleep easily in our beds at night knowing that our safety and welfare is in good hands (Thanks to @sinabhfuil (twitter) for the link)

The Salvation Army - Changing with the times!

Wow! Saw these girls outside Rockerfeller Center in New York last week - As you can imagine I had to make a generous donation after this :)

The Sunday After......

I dreaded this morning - I knew that the parish had been thrown into turmoil by my words on the Murphy Report. But I underestimated the generosity and love of my parishioners - I should have known better - I am blessed indeed to have so many great people in our church and in all the churches in this area. It has been a hellish week but at the end of it I feel that despite all the hurt and all the pain it was the right thing to do. Here is my sermon as delivered today:


Sermon – Advent 2 2009

Friends – This will not be a normal sermon – Indeed it is probably not a sermon at all but I owe it to you to explain myself for my statement on the Murphy report and all that followed last week.

I am painfully aware that I have upset and hurt some members of the RC community by my remarks on the report. I have written to Bishop Walsh and his clergy to apologize. That letter is to be carried in next weeks Guardian.
I also embarrassed and upset some of you. I have no idea how many and who, apart from those who have spoken to me, and among those who have come forward it has been a quite mixed response.

However those who are hurt and embarrassed are clearly deeply so and that is a source of huge regret to me. To you I apologize without reservation – It was never my intention but that may be cold comfort at this time. I do hope that with time the hurt will fade but that is something largely beyond my control. I actually seriously considered resigning in the last couple of days such was my distress at the results of my actions last week. I had some very kind calls and messages from a number of people from all sides of the community and only for them I would not be here today. Some were from Survivors of abuse, and they were I think what tipped the balance. And along with this some very hurtful things were said to me by people I consider friends, and I know that a lot of this is rooted in anger and hurt and the heat of the moment, but I like each one of you am human and not without feelings and sensitivity.
Yes I brought it on myself – no argument - Some here may think I deserve it and more? – None of you asked me to raise my head above the parapet and perhaps as some have suggested I would be better off keeping quiet.

Rightly or wrongly that’s not who I am – It never was and I don’t think it ever will be, even after all the horrible aftermath of the last week! It was keeping quiet that allowed children to be brutalized and so many lives destroyed.
Many have said it was not my place – Well whose place is it to speak up for children if it isn’t those of us who call ourselves Christian? Let me remind you what Jesus has to say:
“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea” Mark 9:42

Biblical scholars are united in the belief that Jesus is here talking about either little children or young believers. Either way it is not in the least ambiguous. I am no fundamentalist but that is pretty straightforward. Children are children and abuse is abuse – it doesn’t matter what denomination they are. As Christians we are all responsible for ‘these little ones’

And the Murphy report is not just history – If it was I probably would have remained silent. When I read it, and I did read a large amount of it – I am still reading it – I saw a situation where there is ongoing non-cooperation with the State in child protection by certain individuals in a sister church at the highest level. I read of an explanation of how a lie is not a lie and how it is alright to cover up abusers for the sake of the church. I read of people still in office today who fundamentally failed the children in their care and who those children must still witness today in office without consequence for their failures And I asked serious questions about the whole area of compulsory celibacy because there has to be a reason why statistically there have been so many priest abusers in our sister church compared to other churches and may still be as yet undiscovered.

Yes we have had abusers in our church and while at a lower level it happens and is none the less devastating – And incidentally we all of us have a duty of care if we have any concerns to raise them with the relevant state authorities. If there is anything that can be done to minimize this risk then it should be investigated not simply brushed under the carpet as a subject forbidden to discuss. That is not a luxury any church has – we are all answerable to the law.

That is why I raised the thorny subject of compulsory celibacy. Where children are at risk there is no room for polite tip-toeing around each other. I am sorry for the pain I caused to those who least deserve it but it is nothing to the pain of those who have been brutalized by those who were supposed to be their spiritual guides and protectors and who may be abused in the future. All the child protection legislation is no guarantee of absolute safety. This world is not a safe place but we have a duty as Christians and following the instruction of Jesus to do our very best for ‘these little ones’

I didn’t make my statement to build a platform for myself as somebody suggested to me – indeed my biggest regret in all of this is that I have become a distraction from the important issue of the Survivors – We cannot afford the indulgence of turning this incident into an inter-church war – That would only further diminish these little ones who are our primary responsibility. I am going to read a poem that was sent to me directly this week by a survivor of Artane in Dublin:
A Survivor Responds
Dedicated to every abused adult (where-ever) whose childhood was stolen & to pray there is never another child who becomes another token of this horrible crime.

“The Story of me and Many More, A Child after the before”
I am the sky- whose cloak will not blue
I am the sea- whose tide will not turn
I am the moon- whose silver will not hue
I am the sun- whose orange will not burn
I am the day- whose light will not bright
I am the night- whose darkness will not light
I am the tree- whose root is dead
I am the flower- without a head
I am the fish- whose fins will not breathe
I am the bird- who will not eat seed

I am the scab- that just will not heal
I am the neural- that just cannot feel
I am a smile - that remains frozen
I am a choice- that was never chosen
I am a year — without a season
I am a reason - without a reason
I am a whisper - that cannot vibrate
I am a scream - that cannot migrate
I am a prison - whose cell will not open
I am the cell - where space is so choking

I am a house - that has no foundation
I am a country - without a nation
I am the hell - that is in my centre
I am the heaven — that has no banter
I am Christmas - without its infant
I am a gift box - without its present
I am the present — that is now past
I am the past - that is now present
I am a heart - without a soul
I am the secret - never told
I was lost - and still not found
I was frightened - no solace around
I am a curse - no man can swear
I am the abused - no one was there
I done no crime -1 served a dictum
I done no wrong — I am a victim
I was the wrong - that was never right
I was defenceless -1 could not fight
I was that child - who was un-nurtured
I am the man- that still is tortured

(To the Lucky ones who escaped this ordeal)
I am a child abused- a man confused
Just one of many- that were used
To you all - who escaped this ordeal?
If you were I -that is how it would feel?
To be a CHILD ABUSED

I was a Child once like many more
Then someone came and closed that Door
Since then I just gave up hoping
That it would ever again open
You SEE I am a CHILD ABUSED.
With a Title I didn’t choose
And when I became that abused child
That was the last day of my “Life”…!!!
Oh yes, to others it seemed like I had life
But inside, I was never really ever, “Alive”!

Footprint
I somehow still believe there is a God
But ask over & over "Where the Hell he was"?
When I was a child being "Abused"!
Like so many others being "Abused"!

.........................................

Friends,

I am the parent of a child who will be forever vulnerable,

The parent of a child who will always be a child.

The parent of a child who will one day be alone in this world when Nicola and I are dead and gone

A child who may one day be in the care of those I will never meet

And if so, I hope there are people there who will speak and act without looking over their shoulder to protect him and others like him. I may not be able to help my son then but I make no apology for speaking for others who were and are the most treasured gift that any of us can ever receive – a child.

And we get wound up about Civil Unions!

This speech made me think, especially in the context of our difficulty as a State in enacting Civil Union legislation: What are we afraid of?

A Letter to the Roman Catholic community of North Tipperary & Offaly

Dear Friends,
I have lived in Cloughjordan for over eleven years and one of the things that makes me want to stay here is the tremendous amount of ecumenical goodwill and cooperation throughout the wider Christian community.

I know I have hurt and angered many Roman Catholics by what I have said in recent days following the publication of the Murphy Report. I apologize unreservedly for doing so. It was not my intention though I feared it was inevitable. However that does not absolve me from the need to say I am sorry for the hurt I have caused, especially to the vast majority of my Roman Catholic sisters and brothers who are already so hurt and horrified by the findings of the Murphy Report. Neither do I seek to become a distraction from what must be the focus of this report and that is the survivors. They are who this is about, not my pride or any high moral ground that some might think I seek to occupy.

So, why did I get involved in this? Why like most representatives of other churches did I not maintain a polite silence?
The principal reason was out of a genuine concern for the survivors which must be paramount. They are not just the business or the concern of Roman Catholics. All Irish citizens be they Catholic, Protestant, Jew or Muslim, Atheist or Agnostic have a responsibility to them. We owe it to them to make sure that no institution, religious or secular is allowed to do this ever again. My own church incidentally is not blameless in this area and in all I have said I would never want to suggest otherwise.

The second reason I felt the compulsion to speak out may surprise some in the light of all I have said. It is my love for the Roman Catholic Church and so many of its people priests, lay and religious. I have said it before in other forums that I owe my priestly vocation primarily to the support and nurture of members of that Church. I would especially point to a very formative period in my faith journey when I attended Gortnor Abbey Co-ed Convent in Crossmolina Co. Mayo. There the Sisters of Jesus & Mary modeled open and inclusive Christian Community in a way that left a lasting impression on me. They have been with me throughout my journey and took up the front row of Christ Church cathedral at my Ordination. Their sense of vocation and outreach beyond denominational boundaries has been a huge influence on my ministry.

There are so many others I could mention but please understand that in the light of my experience I couldn’t contemplate ‘kicking’ the Roman Catholic Church at any time (As the Irish Catholic newspaper alledged) and especially now. I consider the Roman Catholic Church as a sister Church – Yes there are differences and ongoing pain in that relationship due to the ban on Eucharistic hospitality and the official position of the Roman Catholic Church which is that as an Anglican priest my orders are ‘null and void’. But it is not all one sided. To my continuing shame we in the Church of Ireland have still failed to distance ourselves from the historic but deeply sectarian ‘39 Articles of Religion’ which are published in all our prayer books, and to which all those ordained must subscribe (I crossed my fingers when I had to subscribe to them as do many but that is not enough – they should be consigned to history where they belong).

But for all our problems I see our churches as friends. Relationships on the ground where it really matters are excellent in most cases and increasingly we are working side by side in a new Ireland which has less and less time for Christian disunity and recognizes it for the scandal that it is. And yes, churches should as the editorial in the ‘Irish Catholic’ suggested ‘offer support and prayers’ to each other in difficult times. But how do we best support one another? Is it by polite silence or is it by speaking openly and honestly to a friend? Surely the days of ‘Tea-cup ecumenism’ and the forced politeness that went with it are dead? I hope so. I hope our relationships have matured beyond that. I believe they have and that is why I felt I could speak as I did.

I want the Roman Catholic Church to triumph over this Cancer that is destroying it because Ireland needs a vibrant and effective Roman Catholic Church whose integrity is unquestioned. And so I made comments about the role of the Nuncio in obstructing the enquiry and about the primacy of survivors. I asked questions about the possible role of compulsory celibacy and a morality that can excuse lying to protect abusers. I highlighted these issues because I honestly believe that they are issues the Roman Catholic Church must address if it is not to be destroyed by militant secularists and sectarian bigots (some to my shame from my own Church of Ireland) who will unlike me happily dance on its grave. I believe it is that serious and as a friend I am not going to sit back and let it happen.
Yours with genuine regret for the hurt I have caused. Stephen

The Murphy Report & My Response - Some Clarification and an Apology

This letter was in response to today's editorial in the Irish Catholic newspaper which made some statements about me and my response to the Murphy Report which I felt did not accurately reflect the tone or intention of my article, and used material from other sources than my article. On contacting the paper I found the Deputy Editor, Michael Kelly most helpful and at his suggestion I wrote the letter below in response.
I have had a lot of feedback since the original article and subsequent interviews on Radio and in the papers. Some of that feedback has expressed genuine hurt at my comments and I apologise without qualification for the hurt that I have caused. The letter below hopefully sets out the context for my comments and my motivation for going public with my thoughts.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Editor,
As a regular reader who looks forward to this excellent paper every Thursday morning I was disappointed to find myself so unfairly represented in one of two editorials running in the issue of 3rd December. Under the heading, ‘Kicking the Church’ I was firstly described as coming from Galway, when in fact I am a Dub now living in Co. Tipperary. That in itself would not have prompted this letter but there was a second far more serious charge laid at my door; that I had ‘called for the prosecution of Cardinal Connell’( NOTE * See below letter) I want to go on record that I said no such thing either in print or in a live interview. To clarify, what I said was this:

‘Anyone named in the report, be they cardinal, bishop, priest or lay, garda or civilian, should be investigated and where evidence of criminal behaviour or neglect is found they must be prosecuted, not for the sake of revenge, but for justice, in particular justice for those who paid the ultimate price at the hands of these vile abusers’.

This article can be read in its entirety on my blog where it was first published (http://paddyanglican.blogspot.com/2009/11/response-to-murphy-report.html)
In my comments I named only one person, Bishop Willie Walsh and there it was to praise him. I commented that he ‘has consistently represented the marginalised and put them first – He understands that the role of the church is on the margins not dominating and controlling society’ When he subsequently came under fire following remarks he made about Bishop Murray of Limerick I defended him in an interview published in the Nenagh Guardian on 2nd December. I referred also to the Papal Nuncio and the Pope, but in both instances by their office and not their names. No mention was ever made by me of Cardinal Connell.

I shall not deal with references to my father in the same editorial (Archbishop Neill of Dublin) as he is not my keeper nor I his and he is well able to defend himself.

The final charge directed towards me is that I was ‘impolite’ and was ‘kicking’ the Roman Catholic Church when it was down. Those who know me will know this is an unlikely scenario, but I am also aware that words written in black and white on a page with no nuance or context can convey an impression other than intended.
I know I have hurt and angered many Roman Catholics by what I have said. I apologize unreservedly for doing so. It was not my intention though I feared it was inevitable. However that does not absolve me from the need to say I am sorry for the hurt I have caused, especially to the vast majority of my Roman Catholic sisters and brothers who are already so hurt and horrified by the findings of the Murphy Report. Neither do I seek to become a distraction from what must be the focus of this report and that is the survivors. They are who this is about, not my pride or any high moral ground that some might think I seek to occupy.

So, why did I get involved in this? Why like most representatives of other churches did I not maintain a polite silence?
The principal reason was out of a genuine concern for the survivors which must be paramount. They are not just the business or the concern of Roman Catholics. All Irish citizens be they Catholic, Protestant, Jew or Muslim, Atheist or Agnostic have a responsibility to them. We owe it to them to make sure that no institution, religious or secular is allowed to do this ever again.

The second reason may surprise some! It is my love for the Roman Catholic Church and so many of its people priests, lay and religious. I have said it before in other forums that I owe my priestly vocation primarily to the support and nurture of members of that Church. I would especially point to a very formative period in my faith journey when I attended Gortnor Abbey Co-ed Convent in Crossmolina Co. Mayo. There the Sisters of Jesus & Mary modeled open and inclusive Christian Community in a way that left a lasting impression on me. They have been with me throughout my journey and took up the front row of Christ Church cathedral at my Ordination. Their sense of vocation and outreach beyond denominational boundaries has been a huge influence on my ministry. There are so many others I could mention but please understand that in the light of my experience I couldn’t contemplate ‘kicking’ the Roman Catholic Church at any time and especially now. I consider the Roman Catholic Church as a sister Church – Yes there are differences and ongoing pain in that relationship due to the ban on Eucharistic hospitality and the official position of the Roman Catholic Church which is that as an Anglican priest my orders are ‘null and void’. But it is not all one sided. To my continuing shame we in the Church of Ireland have still failed to distance ourselves from the historic but deeply sectarian ’39 Articles of Religion’ which are published in all our prayer books, and to which all those ordained must subscribe (I crossed my fingers when I had to subscribe to them as do many but that is not enough – they should be consigned to history where they belong).

But for all our problems I see our churches as friends. Relationships on the ground where it really matters are excellent in most cases and increasingly we are working side by side in a new Ireland which has less and less time for Christian disunity and recognizes it for the scandal that it is. And yes, churches should as the editorial suggested ‘offer support and prayers’ to each other in difficult times. But how do we best support one another? Is it by polite silence or is it by speaking openly and honestly to a friend? Surely the days of ‘Tea-cup ecumenism’ and the forced politeness that went with it are dead? I hope so. I hope our relationships have matured beyond that. I believe they have and that is why I felt I could speak as I did.

I want the Roman Catholic Church to triumph over this Cancer that is destroying it because Ireland needs a vibrant and effective Roman Catholic Church whose integrity is unquestioned. And so I made comments about the role of the Nuncio in obstructing the enquiry and about the primacy of survivors. I asked questions about the possible role of compulsory celibacy and a morality that can excuse lying to protect abusers. I highlighted these issues because I honestly believe that they are issues the Roman Catholic Church must address if it is not to be destroyed by militant secularists and sectarian bigots (some to my shame from my own Church of Ireland) who will unlike me happily dance on its grave. I believe it is that serious and as a friend I am not going to sit back and let it happen.
Yours truly,
Stephen Neill

UPDATE
* Re Cardinal Connell - In the interests of transparency I have now discovered that the Irish Catholic report on this stems from a remark I made in a conversation on Twitter! - I had totally forgotten it and it was not part of any public statement and was a soundbite out of context. However a caution to me that the Irish Catholic are watching me and even following me on Twitter!

A Survivor Responds

This was posted publicly by an unnamed Artane survivor on my blog in response to the previous post. It seems have been written in 2006 and has previously circulated. It is so powerful and shattering that I feel the need to share it with a wider audience. I reproduce it below with the dedication which accompanied it:

Dedicated to every abused adult (where-ever) whose childhood was stolen & to pray there is never another child who becomes another token of this horrible crime.

“The Story of me and Many More, A Child after the before”
I am the sky- whose cloak will not blue
I am the sea- whose tide will not turn
I am the moon- whose silver will not hue
I am the sun- whose orange will not burn
I am the day- whose light will not bright
I am the night- whose darkness will not light
I am the tree- whose root is dead
I am the flower- without a head
I am the fish- whose fins will not breathe
I am the bird- who will not eat seed

I am the scab- that just will not heal
I am the neural- that just cannot feel
I am a smile - that remains frozen
I am a choice- that was never chosen
I am a year — without a season
I am a reason - without a reason
I am a whisper - that cannot vibrate
I am a scream - that cannot migrate
I am a prison - whose cell will not open
I am the cell - where space is so choking

I am a house - that has no foundation
I am a country - without a nation
I am the hell - that is in my centre
I am the heaven — that has no banter
I am Christmas - without its infant
I am a gift box - without its present
I am the present — that is now past
I am the past - that is now present
I am a heart - without a soul
I am the secret - never told

I was lost - and still not found
I was frightened - no solace around
I am a curse - no man can swear
I am the abused - no one was there
I done no crime -1 served a dictum
I done no wrong — I am a victim
I was the wrong - that was never right
I was defenceless -1 could not fight
I was that child - who was un-nurtured
I am the man- that still is tortured

(To the Lucky ones who escaped this ordeal)
I am a child abused- a man confused
Just one of many- that were used
To you all - who escaped this ordeal?
If you were I -that is how it would feel?
To be a CHILD ABUSED

I was a Child once like many more
Then someone came and closed that Door
Since then I just gave up hoping
That it would ever again open
You SEE I am a CHILD ABUSED.
With a Title I didn’t choose
And when I became that abused child
That was the last day of my “Life”…!!!
Oh yes, to others it seemed like I had life
But inside, I was never really ever, “Alive”!

Footprint
I somehow still believe there is a God
But ask over & over "Where the Hell he was"?
When I was a child being "Abused"!
Like so many others being "Abused"!


Written by an anonymous victim? 2009